From the Razor to the Rosary

The alarm clock shrieked like banshee. I woke up with a jolt. It’s a wonder I can actually sleep, with Izzy around me using all means to prevent me from doing so.

Not again. Another day of my life. Another day too many.

“Hey you’re up! We’re all waiting to go to school with you,” Sue appeared at the door and gave a big grin. Deb glided along behind and Cat hopped into view.

“Hi guys,” I said groggily, clambering out of bed, “had a good night?”

“Well, not really. You slept! We had to entertain ourselves. You should have seen Izzy fuming when you dozed off. She almost shook you out of bed,” Deb sulked. Cat pouted and pulled a long face.

“Sorry,” I said apologetically, “I couldn’t help it.”

I had breakfast. They crowded around me at the table. Mom couldn’t see them, no one else could. People won’t notice unless I behave in a manner that indicates their presence. I try my best to avoid doing so.

Afterwards, I pulled on my jacket, took my bag and trudged to school as usual, with the others trotting behind, occasionally pointing out that school is really just bullshit and I haven’t got any friends to accompany me on the way to school.

“I know,” I said grimly (aloud), then hoping no one else heard me.

“Ok. Just don’t be self-denial. It doesn’t do you any good,” Deb sang.

I used my silence as a response.

In school, Deb kept me away from the others. She said she’s protecting me, the other humans will hurt me. I guess she’s right. I shouldn’t be too near them or interact with them too much. It isn’t wise. They do have a history of hurting people – human nature is evil. I can’t trust them. Not until Deb is sure they wouldn’t leave more wounds in my soul.

Sue tried to get me to climb onto the parapet on the sixth floor. “Don’t you want to fly? It’s a great feeling,” she persuaded me.

“Not just yet, there’s still plenty of chances in the future – It’s even better from higher places, isn’t it?”

I just got yelled at by the teacher, and however much Deb tried to keep me away from other people and shield me from them, some of the words they said still got through. I tried not to be too affected, but still, they do have an effect on me.

I slouched at my desk, resisting the urge to doze off. I haven’t had a single day of sound sleep with Izzy and the others around. I don’t blame them though. They are still my best friends, no matter what.

I went to the washroom. I let Cat come in with me into one of the stalls. My mind was breaking, I needed some release. I held out my arm. Cat knows what that means. I allowed her to slide her nails over it, leaving behind five long, thin, lines, blood lining them in what was to me, pretty, little beads, somewhat translucent, glowing crimson under the light. They stung, fiery and hot, my face was etched in pain. Yet a thin smile broke out from my lips. I felt much better, as if a giant had come along and lifted the weight on my heart that had been crushing me, leaving me unable to breathe.

“Thanks, Cat,” I whispered, looking at her. She gazed at me, her fingernails still having traces of my blood on them. Her pail face and stone cold eyes seemed to show no emotion or feeling.

I grabbed a bit of paper off the toilet roll and dabbed at my hand. Some of the blood had dried and still stuck.

“Well. I needn’t bother about ’em too much,” I thought as once again I slipped on my jacket, the long sleeves covering up where the wounds are, the secret laying forever unseen, never to be found out. Not another pair of human eyes has ever set upon them, and never will. Or so I hoped.

“Are you feeling okay now?” Deb held me and asked, concerned, the moment I emerged from the washroom. Sue gave me a big bear hug, embracing me with her warmth, her love. At least they love me, I thought.

“I’m not okay but I’m better now,” I said. A big, fat droplet of tear rolled down my cheeks, glistening in the sunlight as it fell onto the damp earth with an imaginary pop.

I held hands with Sue and Deb as we made our way back to the classroom, Cat strolling behind.

The sun sets.

Another day went by.

Twinkle twinkle little star,

Let me get hit by a car,

How I really wish to die,

Jump off the roof and try to fly,

Twinkle twinkle beloved knife,

Help me end this wretched life.