Tomorrow

Subjects tomorrow: English, Japanese, Chinese, Humanities. *Sigh*
I have a essay for English and composition for Chinese
School's gonna end at 6pm

The Worst Math Olympiad teacher EVER

Last Friday I had my usual two hour long weekly Mathematical Olympiad training and hell, I have to be stuck with the pregnant, boring, soft lady with this chinese accent on top of everything. It's so fucking hard to concentrate and get her words, let alone understand the tedious, JC-Level sums. As you might know, Math Olympiad was never easy (unless, of course, I am profoundly gifted, which I am not) and requires critical thinking and skills and understanding and analysis and inferring behind each and every fucking question. Including even the first few questions in SMO Junior, which is already considered "easy". All of us, like typical twelve-year-olds, were drowsy, bored and tired after a long day of school and sitting for this two hour long lecture is nothing but torture. Horrendous, that's the only word I can find to fit. Practically all of us were either sleeping with our eyes open while our hands moved to copy down the notes from the board (Speaking of this, do you know that they LOVE to give their own hand-outs (a.k.a worksheets) AND they LOVE to leave a couple of blanks everywhere for us to fill in. I mean, I admit it's rather smart of them as this will prevent us from drifting away from the class or shutting down completely as we occasionally need to look up and scribble down some notes in the blanks. BUT. The thing is that the notes are way too much and way too long that we spend the entire time copying while the teacher (her name is Miss. Ye) is explaing so we ended up merely COPYING and not listening to the teacher (you shouldn't multi task anyway, it damages your brain) so we dont really have the time (and capacity) to understand what the teacher is saying - before dropping half - dead on the desk again) (Sorry for the brackets) or doing other subject's homework (efficient time management in my opinion) or looking at our phones. Actually I always use my phone during lessons, regardless whether it's boring Math Olympiad and Chinese or Math (not that Math is very interesting though) Not because of what my primary school teacher used to say, "You complacent girl! Remember, you are not that smart! Pay attention even if you got everything right!" (I personally think that's just a waste of time. I've gotten it right over and over again, means I know my concepts pretty well, right? Why can't I use the time to self-study or do some other stuff to learn more and enrich myself? Instead of listening to the same boring old stuff? Huh? ) It's just, well an obligation to check the mail, or whatever, when my phone vibrates. Yeah, it's a distraction. I admit I'm sort of addicted to my phone.

                (x_x) blah, blah and blah...  

                                                                       

Boring -.-

Life is sad even for Year 1s

Guess what... It's the Friday of the third week of school!!! I've made it this far... Oh yeah I know you're probably thinking it's just a mere three weeks. What you don't know is that how every single day is a struggle... To drag yourself out of bed, face your life, yourself and everyone, and drag yourself to school. Ok enough of this... Let me give a little update on my school life recently then.

School starts at 7:40 everyday and as I take the school bus, I usually reach at 7:10. Which is pretty good because I can use that time to finish up my homework and copy a bit from my classmates ( Hardly have i ever completed a single assignment without some help/ideas/suggestions from my classmates. Well, team spirit! ) the downside is that I have to wake up real early. Like REALLY early. 5am sharp and I have to be out of bed. T_T

AND FOR THE MATTER, I HAVE A WHOLE POOPLOAD OF HOMEWORK EVERYDAY!!! So it's basically like this: You have Math lesson,you have Math homework. You have Japanese lesson, you have Japanese homework... etc same goes for other subjects. Just speaking about today, I have Chinese, Japanese, Math, Math Olympiad, Chemistry, English and Physics homework. And  they're not exactly that easy to complete-especially Math and Science subjects. After all, it's NUS High School of MATHEMATICS and SCIENCE. So... Just have to accept fate T_T generally I take about half an hour++ for each assignment... There's seven assignments, so that makes up about four hours... Doesn't sound a lot? Well, keep in mind that I am dismissed at 6:00pm every Monday, Thursday and Friday. Adding one hour++ of travel, that's approximately 7:30pm that I reach home. Then I have to shower, have dinner, rest a bit, and finally, do my homework for FOUR hours. I'd have to burn the midnight oil if I want to finish all those homework ( by the way for your information there's a 10% penalty for late submission-which means that if I submit my homework like, one day late, I get 10% of my marks deducted. And all my homework are graded - counted in the end-of-year CAP ). Not forgetting that I have to wake up at five the next morning. So in the end I get at most 5-6 hrs of sleep. ( 3 hours nowadays )

which is so fucking tiring.

Haiz. Oh yah. I'm in the Nobel house - green. Yuck. And I got placed into my third choice CCA - St. John Ambulance Bridgade. Yikes.

6/1/15

Went back to school today. Guess it's okay but just a little tiring as the finale ended at 8pm and it was already 9:30pm when I got home. I'm a bit surprised I'm coping with grief quite well - I didn't cry much except during those moments. I didn't feel too overwhelmed by sadness or wallow too much in grief. The whole thing just feels unreal and I am like an observer. I feel rather disconnected from everyone and everything... I get distracted easily too and I can't seem to concentrate that well on reading nowadays... Probably because of my darkness... :/ I cut again yesterday. the urge came, and I did not try to fight the thoughts. I'm tired. I dont really want to bother to stop myself anymore. I shall give up?

Hold On Pain Ends

Hold On Pain Ends

And sometimes the most beautiful pain in life
is the kind you can't disguise or hide.
And the hard truth about life.
If I'm not allowed to give up on mine,
you are not allowed to not even try.

One day at a time you'll have to remake
the same decision as the one I made last night.

You and I have already started to die.
And now that I understand, why I've never felt quite so alive.
And I feel like I've sang about scars a hundred times
but for the record I've found the reason for mine.

And sometimes we need to find a reason
for the pain in our own lives.
Mine was you and I promise this song
is a place for the truth.
We can't keep hiding and hurting.
I know I've tried to.

One day at a time we just might have to remake
the decision every day for the rest of life.

You and I have already started to die.
And now that I understand, why I've never felt quite so alive.
And I feel like I've sang about scars a hundred times
but for the record I've found the reason for mine.

And for the record, I'm in California still writing one day at a time.
And for the record, I refuse to be ashamed of all my scars.
You and I are both the same.

We've already cheated death so many times.
If we're going to die, why not cheat it again tonight?

You and I have already started to die.
And now that I understand, why I've never felt quite so alive.
And I feel like I've sang about scars a hundred times
but for the record I've found the reason for mine.

For all of you out there who face the same things as me, remember you are not alone cuz I'm here . i care and even if I do not know you personally, I love you. stay strong dearies ❤️❤️❤️

First day of school at NUS High

Transport

For goodness sake, i had to wake up at 5 am. I only slept at 1 in the morning! That's only four hours of sleep! And the fact that I'm dismissed only at 5:30pm, which is the peak hours, not to mention late, rather pissed me off. I was squeezed flat as a pancake in the train & bus... It's a wonder I could even squeeze on in the first place. But heng, I can avoid all these in the morning since I'm taking the school bus. What a relief. Though if I can be on the school bus on the way back too... That would be just great.

Year 1 orientation 2015 (Part 1)

The orientation theme this year is this weird thing that I dont know how to pronounce or type out... Though I know it's something got to do with time. The storyline started with a guy called Matthew who said he's from 3005 ( Yeah, I didnt make a typo ). So he was planning to visit 2105, NUS High's 100th anniversary, but instead ended up in 2015, which is NUS High's 10th anniversary. AND his time machine decided to go faulty. It can only travel to the past but not to the future. So he's now stranded in 2015. It came to him that since his time machine can travel to the past, why not he go to the past and round up history's greatest thinkers to help him fix his machine? Ended up WE ( the Year 1-5s ) have to help him round up Fibonacci, Fleming, Faraday and Nobel.  So yeah, with this, we went about the school for the rest of the day doing a load of activities. They provided lunch, which was rice with some veggie, meat, fishcake and some unknown sauce. Tastes not bad. At the end of the day, just before dismissal, Matthew closed up on the thing by announcing that the time machine was fixed. Way to go, Matthew! Invent a better time machine next time! BTW Matthew's acting skills was really good. and real funny too. I laughed a lot during his storyline. And that's rare cuz hardly are there any things that make me laugh.

Uniform

IT'S AWESOME!!! White polo t-shirt with light green skorts. Just that the skorts are a big long. and I bought my polo t-shirt a size too big. But overall still beats other secondary schools. gosh, some of their uniforms look hideous. Like, REALLY bad. just sayin'

The activity I hated most during today's orientation:

The mass dance. OMG the steps were so fast and I suck at dancing I couldn't catch up AT ALL. So I just anyhow-anyhow and copy whatever the person in front of me is doing. So ended up with a pretty shitty dance-half of the time I wasn't even moving

1/1/15

So it's 2015. A new year. But what is there to celebrate or be so happy about? It's just another year. Another miserable year. Another 400 folks will take their own lives. I might well be one of them. 2015 will bring nothing but more sorrow and darkness. Nothing good. Another miserable year of my life. I always left my window open, waiting for you to come and take me away to Never, Never land, Peter Pan. But you never came. The grim reaper came to me in my dreams, but he went away before I could ask him to bring me along. To the other side. If any. No one knows what awaits after death, but well let it be pleasant. An eternity of nothingness is okay too. Or an eternity of roaming as an earthbound spirit.
This new year, my resolution is not to care anymore.
I will care about noone but my own interests. Go ahead and say that I'm a selfish brat. Like I'll give it a damn.