my days are numbered

The ultimate considerations

I've only considered some methods, others are totally out of the way.

Poisons/Chemicals (e.g: KCN, Rodenticide, Arsenic Trioxide, Chlorine, Hydrochloric Acid [concentrated], Alcohol Poisoning [>70% alcohol concentration])

Commom household chemicals contain enough toxic substances to be lethal but more often than not they are mixed up and are mostly acids, which are gonna hurt a hell lot when it burns your alimentary canal after ingestion. Desirable substances that are known to be one of the "best" methods, like KCN (Potassium Cyanide) are extremely hard to obtain. Hence for 12½ years olds like me, drop the idea.

-not too sure about minimum lethal dosage
-obvious as suicide (concerns regarding insurance)

Jumping/Falling from height (building, bridge... anywhere higher than 46 meters on land and 76 meters on water will do)

-obvious as suicide
-affect house prices (if it's from a HDB flat)
-may cause trauma to passersby
-poor police clearing up my mangled body (they probably don't give a damn about bloody scenes anymore since they have seen so many cases of such stuff but to counter the belief of "selfishness", I would like to spare a thought for them)

Hanging

-might be painful and high risk of failed attempt, if not done properly
-might end up brain dead if rescued before ultimately dead
-I heard it takes really long
-I don't know where to hang from... someone suggested doorknob. I don't have a ceiling fan
-rope snapping... I'm fat
-how thick should the rope be?
-what knot to use&how to tie it?
-hanging corpse is a horrible typical suicide pose
-house price gonna drop ( I don't know where else to do it other than in the house... the woods? Yeah. I've considered it before, from a tree. Credits to The Hanging Tree and Aokigahara Forest )
-I'm scared to go alone into the woods

Exsanguination (bleeding to death)

Hell yeah I actually like this but I'm a chicken person I will faint if I see so much blood... cut wrist or cut throat uh

-slow
-painful
-hell low success rate
-typical teenage attention-seeking behavior if I live
-bloody blade is slippery and hard to hold on to
-horrible bloody scene for family
-again, if I do it at home, house price will drop
-obvious as suicide

Drowning

***CAN BE MADE INTO AN ACCIDENT***

-painful [lungs will first feel like it's on fire]
-pretty slow, a couple of minutes of torture before slipping into tranquility
-I don't want my body to be found, so I want to sink I will need to hoard rocks and heavy things to the sea
-more convenient to do it at home, but gonna be obvious and house price~
-if fished out early corpse will be OK but... if I'm going to the sea then... I will be a bloated up balloon

Pills

-low success rate
-attention-seeking feat, as with wrist slashing
-takes a long time
-gonna be found in the middle of puke
-lethal pills like barbiturates are hard to obtain
-needs additonal methods combined (i.e. plastic bag, alcohol,helium)
-apparent suicide
-house price...

Strangulation/Suffocation (Apart from hanging,which I've already mentioned)

Plastic bag

-hard to make it airtight
-must be combined with other methods
-survival instinct>I will thrash around subconsciously and even if I'm unconscious I can rip the plastic bag off my head
-might be found before dead
-apparent suicide
-house price

Helium

Where the hell do I get a helium tank and how does the friggin thing work


Vehicular Impact 

***can be made into an accident***

-no use thinking about trains, now all MRT platforms have safety barriers
-getting driver into trouble for nothing
-high chance of ending up in the hospital crippled instead of the morgue









Ok... This is about it. I've thought about murdering someone or smuggling drugs, then getting the death penalty, but few kids are executed nowadays plus I don't want to kill people and I have no idea where to get hold of drugs.

Hey I have a Wish

Hey I have a wish
You just needa give your wand a swish
I don’t want to waste my breath
I said I wished for death
No, I’m not being a drama queen
Nor is it in any way related to being a teen
Let me fall asleep and never wake up
Then my existence will cease to disrupt
My family I had wanted to poison
I thought maybe I would never be forgiven ( probably )
Getting arsenic mailed causes suspicion
Or maybe some meds I could have stolen
The simplicity of an ending I once believed
Now I know ain’t that easy achieved 
Don’t say I’m a coward
‘cos ‘tis just the life that flowered
You can insist otherwise
My reaction shouldn’t be of much of a surprise
With you I haven’t needed to put on a disguise
Yet you turned out just the same as the others likewise
Don’t judge till you’ve worn my shoes and walked a thousand miles
I really wanna make you be happy so I’d give you all smiles
Chill! In the end everyone dies
Before that maybe give me some fries ( I love potatoes! )
Maybe also use your knife and give me a slice
You know to me it’s a prize
Life is a game that's hard to play 
It will still happen one day so why delay
Here in this lonely night I pray
Soon in the casket I might lay
To all my dearest it’s okay
I had chosen it to be this way
Fine you can call me an ungrateful brat
I won’t let that in any way distract
I will still carry this out with no regret
I’m no longer going to live staying trapped
I’m sure now you’d just despise me further
Well in this universe I’m just an observer
Whoever created humans made an error
Live any longer, in other’s life I’m just a terror
I know you guys all hate me 
I’ve accepted all ‘cos that’s true presumably
Though nowadays, not like I care
I’ve sunk down to the bottom of the well of despair
In me there’s a really huge tear
Of it I reckon I’m aware
It’s just that I’m not sure where
Anyways, it’s already too late to repair
I know this world is unfair
Fairness is actually indeed rare
But you know, humans just like things to be fair
It’s a trait we all share
There's no way my family and I can coexist
Hence why death I insist
The concept of ceasing to exist
Society has long learnt to resist
Instead this very idea I embrace
It drapes itself on me wherever I go, soft as lace
Once I’m gone everything will be erased
Just like I hoped, I will leave no trace
Things gonna hurt at first but time will heal 
Really, isn’t all this ideal?
Maybe it’s just me
But that’s how I want things to be
In life all that I kept to myself in a seal
I cannot, and do not know how to bring myself to reveal
You’re right my heart is made of steel
To me though it’s no big deal
After I’m gone I won’t be worried
In death the truth will forever be buried



Dedicated to no one in particular

Jerry sorry for my shut down :l